Stop Being THAT Wife

Stop Being THAT Wife

Happy Monday y'all! So I've wanted to write this post for a while now. A friend of mine shared a blog post on Facebook a few weeks ago and you can read it here! Something about this post really stuck with me. In a way, it was a wake up call.

Everyone knows that we're moving here soon, and everyone also knows I'm a planner. So, of course I've already made a few contacts at the base that we're going to. One of them is a new Marine wife who was having a fight with her husband. She was frustrated, annoyed and hurt. Which of course we have all felt. I saw myself in her. I saw the old me (and sometimes current me). I stayed up late and we talked and I shared this blog post with her. By the end of it, she was crying and couldn't wait for her husband to come home. Not that long before she was happy for the space and felt like she could strangle him, she was so upset. So what did I say that had that BIG of an impact on her?

I started off my explaining why the blog post above means so much especially to us military wives. Our husbands work in a dangerous field and are constantly gone. Having gone through a deployment with my husband, I learned what's important and what isn't. I'm a natural worrier so deployment only amplified that. When I wouldn't hear from him for a few days, I always feared the worst. It was in those moments that nothing else mattered. I tried to explain to her that fighting over socks left on the floor, who left the toilet seat up, or why he didn't do the pile of dishes in the sink and just added to them instead...doesn't matter. None of it matters.

Like she said in her post, I get it. I do! I mean it is straight up maddening when there are piles of dirty clothes flung throughout the room and yet somehow they all just happen to miss the hamper. IT'S LITERALLY TWO FEET AWAY! It makes me crazy to see his combat boots just thrown anywhere (where I ALWAYS without a doubt trip on them) or when his uniform is sprawled across our dining room table. Ladies, I get it!

I was (and sometimes still am) THAT wife. I always thought to myself that I was going to be the best wife in the world. I did try at first. And then you get comfortable, you get into a routine and you forget to be grateful. It happens to the best of us and it was hard for me to admit. I've always had this issue with trying to be perfect, realizing that I was far from a perfect wife was hard on me.

But here's what I want to say (mostly to the military wives who relate the most to this, but really to all of you). His combat boots that you trip on and break your toes over are a blessing. I had forgotten what it was like to not have them around. To not have combat boots tracking in dirt and sand. Because when he's deployed, in schools or trainings, or in the field he's just gone. There's no one to bicker with, no one to argue with over why the boots aren't properly put away. I'm grateful that my husband's boots are flung all over the place, because that means I have the privilege to pick up after him. Yea you read that right, I said privilege. My husband works his ass off for this family. The least I can do is clean up after him and make sure we have some dinner on the table. We are a team and I do my part for this family just like he does his.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." -Ephesians 5:22-24

What this bible verse means to me, is that I'm not his slave, but that I must honor and respect my husband. It's my duty as his wife to make him as happy as I can. He is the leader of our household and I never say "I told you so" when he makes the wrong decision (except when joking! ha!) This was a hard one for me to swallow because anyone who knows me, knows I'm stubborn as a mule and HATE to admit when I'm wrong.


Here's the thing. We may get annoyed with our spouses because they don't do things the exact way we want them to, or they just push our buttons sometimes. But in the job field that my husband is in, I have to remember to be grateful for every moment. This is true for everyone. We are never promised tomorrow. The fact that my husband's job is so dangerous scares the life out of me. But, that's just all the more reason to love him everyday like it is the first and last. So it doesn't matter what the status of the laundry or dishes are. What matters is that you have a man who loves and supports you.

Think about it. We as women are natural naggers. Some more than others, but let's be honest here....we have all given our husbands a honey-do list. They may grunt and roll their eyes but they do it anyways. They do it because they love us. The amount of times that I've snapped on my poor husband is embarrassing. Being under stress is no excuse. Before I used to justify it, saying that I was stressed about college, babies, or whatever was going on at the time. But my husband rarely snaps at me, and he's in a very stressful school right now. I know better. I know it's no excuse.

We all fight or bicker at times, but think to yourself "Is it really worth it? Is it THAT important?" Because chances are it's not. I have an amazing husband. He may drive me nuts at times, and he may not think before he acts sometimes, but he love me and our boys. And that right there? That is the dream.

So ladies, please please please STOP being THAT wife. Instead, love your husbands for who they are! Don't try to change them or change yourself. There's a reason you fell in love with them in the first place and remind yourself of that every time you'd like to smack him upside the head. If you need to blow off steam, go for a walk, scream at a wall, or punch a punching bag. But please don't say anything to your husbands. Words can't be taken back and I can't tell you how many times I've heard stories of wives (or husbands) who said something that they didn't mean, but couldn't take it back. 

And another thing...Don't go bashing your husband to everyone and their mother. I understand you need to vent sometimes and that's what your best friend is for. Don't go running to your mama, grandma, and everyone on Facebook about how much of an ass you think your husband is. Just don't. I've come to hate that, and I didn't used to. Like I said if I was upset before, the old me would call 6 different girl friends and my mom to tell them just how much my husband screwed up. That's wrong. So wrong. Now I have a go-to best friend that if I need to let steam off I do. I type it out, hit send, and then I'm better. I got it off my chest.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still a work in progress and am FAR from perfect. But realizing my faults as a wife has been the best thing I could have done for our marriage. We are best friends. He's the father to my children and the love of my life. You never know how much time you have on Earth with your loved ones, so enjoy it. Every. Single. Day.

So ladies, go hug your hubbies and kiss them when they come home. Make them feel loved and not like another one of your children because well, they aren't.

Have a great week y'all!

Back to blog