It's been 4 weeks since Sawyer made his way earth side. I still can't believe it, and if I'm being perfectly honest I've just been trying to process what happened. It wasn't the labor and delivery that I was envisioning. In fact, it was the opposite of what I had hoped for. I had prayed for a redemptive birth. To labor at home for as long as possible. To have a peaceful and pain free birth. Candles burning, music playing, dim lights, feeling comfortable and relaxed. God had other plans, and we ended up with a different story.
May 28, 2025
I woke up on my due date feeling hopeful but also a little discouraged that I hadn't gone into labor yet. To be honest I was a bit shocked that I had even made it to my due date. I had thought he was for sure going to come early and fast. I had a busy day scheduled. I had an NST appointment, planned to clean around the house, make labor cookies (I know, sounds weird but I was willing to try it), get a membrane sweep, and run errands on base. I brought the kids with me to my NST as usual and planned on grabbing a late lunch after. Normally my NST's take no more than 30 mins so I figured we would be in and out quickly. When we got to my appointment they hooked me up as usual. Things quickly changed though. Baby boy was having decels and wasn't looking great on the monitor. The nurse came in and said they wanted to monitor me longer in L&D, and because it was my due date that she didn't think I'd leave the hospital without a baby. That statement right there freaked me out.
I called Wes and asked him if he could leave work to come pick up the kids. At this point I really was thinking that I'd be monitored and let go and that they were just being over protective. We walked over to the L&D triage and the kids waited in the waiting room watching Nanny McPhee while they hooked me up to monitors. Wes finally got to the hospital and came in to see me for a minute before he grabbed the kids and drove home.
I wasn't worried about being alone, because at this point I still thought I was going home. the midwife on call had come in to see me and talked about options. They told me that after the 2 hour mark if he was looking good that I could go home. I was so excited, not to mention hungry. I texted Wes that I was getting out soon, but three minutes before my two hour mark was up...everything changed.
All of a sudden the room filled with everyone. The charge nurse, other nurses, corpsmen, the midwife, and the maternal fetal medicine OB. They rushed in so fast it's all a blur. Before I knew it I was flipped on all fours, had my pants and shoes ripped off me and an IV slammed into my arm. Minutes later I was transferred to a room. I immediately told Wes he needed to come to the hospital. Having experienced that all alone was terrifying. During it all I was convinced they were going to wheel me into an OR and cut me. It wasn't until I was admitted that I found out that he was in the 60's for 3 minutes before they could get his heart rate to come back up.
I finally exhaled a little bit when I saw Wes walk into the room. I explained everything that happened and then we waited for the induction to start. Soon after he got to the room at 8:40pm, I was given a 25 mcg dose of cytotec. Then at 9:00pm came the cook catheter. I was left alone on the monitors to labor for a bit. The contractions definitely got more intense but weren't super consistent. I got checked a couple hours after the catheter was placed and it just slid out. I was about 5 cm dilated. At this point we were just hoping that my body would take over and kick into gear.
May 29, 2025
I labored on my own for a couple of more hours. He continued to have decels the entire time. It was really scary to all of a sudden hear his heart rate just slow down significantly. He would regularly drop into the 70's. The anxiety and fear set in and I was fighting hard to relax. I continued to pray and listen to my worship music. Praying to God to carry us through this whole thing.
Super early in the morning the maternal fetal medicine doctor came in and did a scalp massage on little man in hopes of getting his heart rate to come up. Let me just say...having a grown man elbow deep inside you rubbing your baby's head while you're contracting is not the most comfortable thing in the world. 0 stars, do not recommend. He told me he couldn't give me Pitocin because he was afraid it would make him look even worse on the monitor, but that he needed me to progress quickly. C-section came up twice already by this point, and to be honest that terrified me.
Between contractions I dozed in and out of sleep listening to Christian Hypnobirthing. I was also doing all kinds of different positions to help him come down and engage more in my pelvis. My good friend Megan (who's also an L&D nurse) was texting me photos of what I should do. Thank God for her!
Once the sun came up, I was hopeful that I'd progressed. Shift change happened around 7-8am and my new nurse was an absolute angel. Things quickly shifted and I started to have the shakes and threw up multiple times. I knew I had to be in transition because this is always what happens when I hit transition. Finally I got checked by the new OB. I was still at 5 cm. I was crushed. How could I have done all that work and still not progressed at all!? I had been certain that I had gone through transition. At 8:10am they decided to put me on a low dose of Pitocin to start, just to get me out of the stall I was in. Normally I would've been in no rush. But I felt like I was fighting against the clock to get him out safely. At 9:15am, my water broke. That's when things got real intense.
My Pitocin was kicked up and I now had no cushioning from my water. He looked even worse on the monitors and at 10:00am they decided to place a uterine catheter to replace some of the water I lost. The OB continued to check me and at this point I was still only 5 cm. She brought up c-section again but I knew things were changing in my body, I could feel myself progressing.
By this point I was exhausted and discouraged. It was 10:27am and I was still 5 cm. The OB checked my while I was having an intense contraction and said while I was contracting I was at 7 cm, but would return to about 5 cm when I wasn't. All of a sudden I said "pressure" and then the next words out of my mouth were "I'm pushing!" The Ob told me to wait because she wanted to check me but my body was already bearing down. I pushed once and then one long intense push after and I roared him out. He was born at 10:37 am. I went from 5 cm to 10 cm with him out in a matter of 10 minutes. He came fast and furious once he was ready. Amazingly I didn't tear at all. And I was relieved to have all 7lbs 5oz of him here safely. I ended up delivering on all fours and immediately he was put on my chest. We waited for the cord to be white and then Wes cut it. We sat there skin to skin for the first hour before they did any stats. The few he did have done were done on my chest.
I hope this is encouraging if you're currently pregnant, to know that even if nothing goes according to your plan that it was always God's plan. I learned so much from this labor and delivery. I prayed for a redemptive birth, and in it's own way that's exactly what I got. I was forced to let go, surrender, and trust God through the whole process. Once I fully surrendered, I could feel God take over and an internal flooding of peace.
I'm so in love with this little man and can't believe he's already 4 weeks old! Oh and if you happen to be in Okinawa looking for a photographer, Sami did a great job!
