They wheeled me into my room and I had this sudden wave of anxiety. "Oh gosh, I'm actually having a baby today." After being sent home countless times, I for some reason was in denial that I was actually being admitted.
I got settled in, the nurse came to update my chart, go over meds and history, the usual. I informed the nurse of my birth plan, and told her I wanted to try and do it "naturally." I sorta hate that word. It implies that any other form of birth is not natural, and ANY mama who has a baby exit their body is a rockstar. Wether you sport a C section scar, or did it without meds, you're amazing. Anyways, I'm getting off on a tangent.
I was doing okay at first. The contractions were painful, but not unbearable yet. I let my photographer know that we had been admitted, but I was progressing slowly. For some reason, Ellie was sitting super high up and wasn't putting the pressure I needed on my cervix to dilate.
My midwife wanted to break my water to see if it would help progress me. I was hesitant at first, knowing that after the water breaks contractions are more intense. I was only at 4cm, so I wasn't sure how I could manage intense contractions for so long. I ultimately agreed to it. She tried to break my water, but couldn't because of how high Ellie was. I was actually disappointed, thinking something was wrong. How on Earth could she NOT break my water?
I asked to get up and walk around to help with the labor pains, but was quickly told that I needed to stay in bed on the monitors. Apparently, baby girl was STILL not looking good. I had nurses coming in constantly to check on her and change my position in the bed. They rolled me from side, to side, to eventually sitting up in a frog-like position. I remember asking, mostly out of curiosity, what my pain management options where in case I needed it. I was not expecting the answer I was given.
No IV meds.
I mean that's what I asked for right? So why was I so freaked out suddenly. Knowing that it wasn't even an option for me anymore, somehow changed things. The nurse went on to explain that because her heart rate wasn't where we needed it to be, that the pain medications would only make her worse. I knew right then and there that there was absolutely no way I could give in now.
I continued to have somewhat regular (although not as regular as they should have been) contractions. I wanted SO badly to get out of that damn bed, but felt like I was shackled to it. Hours had past and I was still sitting at 5cm. I got up at one point to go to the bathroom and noticed I was leaking fluid. My water had broken on its own. It didn't gush like every other time, this time it was trickling. I constantly felt like I was peeing myself with every little move I made.
The contractions were getting more and more intense, but I wasn't making much progress. Sweet Marsha came to my bedside and applied counter pressure during my contractions. At one point, Ellie looked okay and I convinced them to let me shower. I labored in steaming hot water for a few minutes. Then came the nausea.
I quickly got out of the shower and tried to get dressed. Before I could even get out of the shower, I started to throw up in the tub. The pain was so intense that my body apparently felt it had no other option but to vomit...repeatedly. It was pretty awful. I think by the end of it I had thrown up a total of five times. The nurses kept telling me to just breathe and try to eat a cracker. Um, I'm sorry, but I have no control over this and a cracker isn't going to help.
They hooked me back up to the monitors and I labored some more. I still hadn't made much progress, so a one point two nurses came in and said they wanted to try me in a few positions to labor in. At first I thought, "oh sure, just turn me on my side, get me a wedge, yada yada." I was wrong. Boy was I SO wrong. Now I'm no L&D nurse, but I'm pretty sure what they put me through was a form of medieval torture. Picture this...
I was 5-6cm dilated, contracting normally, water leaking. They drop the bottom of the bed, as if I were going to deliver, and had me scoot my butt all the way to the edge. Then they had me lay all the way back, arch my back and placed a rolled up towel under my lower spine. They then had my legs dangling off the bed as they raised the bed up high to the point where my feet couldn't touch the ground. Two nurses had to hold my body to make sure I didn't slide right off the bed. All while having intense contractions.
It was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. I don't know about you, but trying to arch your back at nine months pregnant WHILE laying on your back isn't the easiest thing in the world.
I had told them that I was starting to feel more pressure, so she decided to check me. At this point I was in so much pain and surely thought it was time, but she told me I was at an 8. Just kill me already. I was starting to doubt whether or not I could handle anymore pain.
I started to get REAL uncomfortable, the pain just kept coming. I felt like I was getting bashed with a wave as soon as I brought my head above water. I stood on the side of the bed, squatted with a contraction and yelled "PRESSURE!" Wes had thought I wanted him to apply pressure to my back, but he quickly realized that wasn't what I meant. He immediately called for a nurse.
It happened so fast. My body was already starting to push as I was crawling back into the bed. Marsha came in, got ready, and before she was even in front of me I'd started to push. My body was in the drivers seat. All I remember was the relief of pushing and my yelling in between.
Five minutes of pushing and I got to meet my sweet Ellie Grace. She didn't cry at first, but after some coaxing she started up.
7lbs 9.6oz and 20in of squishy baby.
She was perfect.
I've never gotten really emotional after a birth (which probably sounds horrible) but I couldn't hold back the tears. I started sobbing right along with Wes. This is what we had been praying for for so long. Our family was finally complete.
I was also extremely proud of myself for having delivered her without any medication whatsoever. If you're a mama to be reading this and considering an unmedicated birth, I'm here to tell you...DO IT. You are a warrior goddess and it's the most empowering thing on this planet. If I were to do it again, I would absolutely do it unmedicated.
Thank you so much for all of your support! We are so grateful! Also a HUGE thank you to our friend and photographer Roxy, even though she missed the actual birth, we still got amazing photos!
To read part I of this story click here!
