This has been a really rough couple of months for me and my family, that's no secret. In September of last year, I was told my thyroid was abnormal. I went in for back pain and a few days later my life was suddenly changing. I didn't know it then, but that was the moment my life would change forever. After numerous blood tests, low iodine diets, uptake scans and about a thousand doctors visits (and a few ER visits) it all came to a close this week. On Jan 3, I had my appointment to go over labs. I had so many of these before, I really didn't think anything of it. I walked in, waiting for less than 10 mins and was put in a room. They did vitals and then I waited for about an hour to see the doctor. This doctor wasn't my favorite, even from the beginning but I saw him because he's supposed to be good at his job and that's all I wanted was to figure out what's going on with me.
He walks into the room, puts the paper down and looks at me and says "You have Graves' Disease." Just like that. No warning, nothing. I was obviously in shock and said "Oh...wait really?" This is where it got really bad really fast. He said yea I do and smirked at me when he said it. I had brought a piece of paper with questions on it and I pulled it out of my wallet to ask him. I went down the line and with each answer he just laughed, shook his head or dismissed it. I was so nervous and upset that I don't even think I went down the whole list. I felt so rushed and stupid. I asked about eating healthier and he told me there was no such thing as an anti-inflammatory diet. He laughed and told me it wouldn't help me. He also said I had to be on medication for at least two years before I could come off of it. His first reaction was to kill my thyroid with radiative Iodine and I told him absolutely not! He then went to PKU which can cause liver failure and I said no to that as well. Finally we landed on Tapazole (or Methametazole). He continued to tell me that if I got pregnant, I would miscarry. My heart was immediately broken. I asked so many questions after that I don't even remember them. I want more children and he knew that. He made me feel so small and unimportant. He got up and started walking out of the room as I was still asking questions.
I could not believe he was leaving while I was asking him questions. He was one foot out the door (literally) when he said "I don't even need to look at your blood tests, I can look at you and tell you, you have Graves'" He was smirking at me....Of course I said, "Wait, what do you mean by my looks?" and He just said he could tell by my anxiety level and eyes. I tried asking him more questions, but he was already gone...
I left the office got into my car and started bawling. What had just happened? I went into that office thinking I was healthy and left diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disease. Everything from here on out is going to change. At first I felt scared, and then I felt angry. I was angry at myself, at my body. Could I have done something differently?
I asked myself this over and over again. I kept thinking if I had chosen to be healthier, to live a healthy lifestyle long ago I could have avoided this. I know now that I was wrong to think that. I would have had it regardless, and now I just need to take it one day at a time.
I am scared. But, I am strong.
One day at a time. I will fight this. I will win.
I saw a meme the other day that describes exactly how I feel today.
"Graves' Disease, because the only thing tough enough to kick my ass is me."
